why would you even let him into your bedroom stupid bitch?!?!{REDACTED} suggested that we go on one final walk of the academic year, but was shivering throughout the entire exchange (as was I). I suggested that we drop by my place to grab us both coats so we could
then go for a walk. When we entered my house, I opened the door to the kitchen for him to wait in there. He stepped in the kitchen, then walked out; claiming that he would "rather wait inside my room".
why didn't you tell him to stop/leave/fight back/ect.
I think this is a very common question to SA survivers, and I would like to strongly suggest the reader to read the
following page.
you were leading him on!!!
There were multiple instances in the past where {REDACTED} would act strangely to me when drunk. I would often choose to 'brush off' these behaviours by mentioning my boyfriend or attempting to distance myself from him. We would talk days later, where {REDACTED} would deflect his responsibility onto me: claiming that I was the sober one in the scenario and that I have a boyfriend. I realise now that {REDACTED} would not apologise for his own non-consentual actions and
would apologise for 'messing up my relationship'. He would continue this trend, by opening his apology following the assault with this narrative.
but what did he do...
I think the introduction to this page says enough really. He did everything he was able to do: he wanted to do more to me but was unable to remove my tights without my co-operation (he still tried multiple times to).
but think about how hard his life is now
I really struggled, and still struggle to come to terms with how much this event has destroyed me as a person. I didn't want to report this person initially, as they were once a friend of mine who I trusted, and I trusted that he would never do such a thing again. However, the more I reflect upon events, the more I realise that {REDACTED} truly was unable to reflect, accept and apologise to what he had done to me.